Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Michael Bay diarrhea
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
