Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
