Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
