i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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