Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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