I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
