I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
