I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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