If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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