Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
