My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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