Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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