I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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