I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She said her name was "party"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
