I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
