i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
