if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
