remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
