dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
