i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
