im about as happy as oj after his trial
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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