Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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