When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
