You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
