So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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