Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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