I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
