I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
