I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Two words: blizzard sex
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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