we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
