why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
