i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
