just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
