I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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