i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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