didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
