Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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