i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
