You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
