We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
