What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
40s are totally the cure
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My life is pants optional.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
