There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
