i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
