the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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