you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
