just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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