How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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