it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
