What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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