Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
